My Open Diary

I was 5 years old.  I had a messy pony tail, stained floral night gown, and a big goofy smile that screamed joy when I witnessed that little spunky, wide eyed, scruffy dog frolic in my living room for the very first time.   I witnessed authentic patience from my dog when I would constantly dress her up in Build-a-Bear clothes.   I witnessed companionship when we would chase each other around my green canvas of a yard when no one else would play with me.   I witnessed compassion when I would sit in my room crying over my parent's divorce a couple years later.   I witnessed courage when this tiny chihuahua would take initiative and nibble and bark at anyone that she felt may have been a threat.   I witnessed faithfulness when she didn't judge me through my messy phases in my teenage years.  And finally, I witnessed what genuine unconditional love looked like until the very last breath.  circa' 2001 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will

"Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.  Put on your new nature, created to be like God - truly righteous and holy."  Ephesians 4:22-24 The society we live in today puts so much pressure on us to live up to an unrealistic, "perfect" standard.  Society tells us that we need to collect ourselves through our failures and faults and put on the image that everything is fine when we may in fact be struggling.  Fake it until you make it, right?  Wrong. That's the thing; Paul says to the Ephesians to be  like  God in the renewing of our hearts.  Jesus never asked us for perfection.  He doesn't care if we mess up and fall down.  He understands that our humanness and sinful nature will deceive us.  But Jesus says to simply look to Him.  Let Him transform our failures into victories.  Let Him transform your mess into a beautiful work of art.  

The other day, my wonderful boyfriend gave me a beautiful bouquet of bright, yellow sunflowers.  If you don't know me already, I am a huge fan of anything yellow.  Yellow is such a happy color.  It's bright, vibrant, and just screams joy to me. When I was presented these flowers, I couldn't avoid the big smile that was tattooed on my face.  Even after I brought them home, trimmed them, and gently placed them in a vase full of nourishing water, I find myself grinning every time they catch my eye.  It's contagious. These sunflowers that sit so contently in my bedroom are a beautiful reminder as to how I believe God wants us to strive to be like everyday.  He wants us to reflect His son.  But how do we go about doing that? If you look at a sunflower, they are very similar to any other flower but at the same time holds qualities that separate them and make them stand out differently. Take the tulip for example; I absolutely adore the daintiness of tulips.  

" Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.  In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness; with you, evil people are not welcome. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest."  Psalm 5:1-6 I think we can all agree that the garbage happening in our nation, not to mention everything else going on in the world, is an absolute abomination.  It feels as though every morning we wake up to a new story covered regarding some form of hate, division, judgement, and evil.   As a human, my heart cries for all the brokenness I see everyday.  From children bullying each other to suicide, abuse in what is supposed to be a loving relationship, judging people in need, ra

Video to Poem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUwAQooBewM&feature=youtu.be It's disappointing when you're with someone for so long, the guy you were so confident to be Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wrong. Spending countless hours in the middle of the night repeating "I just want to feel wanted by him"  Questioning; Why is he too tired to have a conversation with me? I waited around all day for him. I just wanted to feel included and invited in his plans. I want him to want to be with me just as much as I want to be with him. I want him to see how much I believe in him, how much I pray for him, encourage him in his dreams and his future plans. Future plans... Do you even see me there? I know, I know, all of that rests in the Lord's hands. But I just can't help but see a beautiful future; you and me. Me, you, you, me Where can I find the Lord throughout all of my uncertainty? Uncertainty.  Such a helpless state.

I think we can all agree that we live in a society that is primarily based around performance. I'm not going to sit here and bash on our performances with day to day tasks.  In fact, I think our performance with getting a job done is very important; in proper context.  Nevertheless, it can get pretty overwhelming.  Personally, I do NOT perform well under pressure.  In fact, the more I focus on trying to get a job done correctly, the more I will rush, the more anxious I will feel, and the more likely I am to mess up. The solution?  Don't focus so hard on performing the task quickly and carelessly.  Just take it one step at a time and focus on getting it done well. This is very straight forward: to a T.  But how do we apply this logic with our walks with Christ?  What about the way we go about spreading the gospel to our coworker or the way we try to show Jesus to a friend who may not know Him yet? I don't know about you, but as a Christian, I used to struggle immens

 Confession time!  I have been feeling just about fed up with a lot of things going on in my personal life.  I won't display any details, but if you ever get that feeling of bricks weighing down on your back and every time you try to see the positive side of things the bricks just become heavier and heavier... yeah.  That feeling.    "But Briana, you did so well this semester in school, you have the summer ahead of you, you have a nice job, your friends are home; why is your spirit hindered?" "Well Briana (yes, I am talking to myself online-no shame) , sometimes things.  Just.  Happen.  Things will creep up out of nowhere, where you least expect it and BAM.  You go from left to right."  (I'm a dweeb- again, no shame) Anyways, things will happen that are completely inevitable.  But we all knew that.  I know God is good and I trust the process of His divine plan for my life.  But that doesn't make the Christian life like peaches and

1.) Don't let someone's unhappiness turn into your own unhappiness.  In other words, don't let their darkness overpower your light.  When someone is unhappy, they have a tendency to let it almost overflow and pour out onto the next person.  Honestly, we've all done it.  When that happens, all you have to do is be that light that the person needs.  Shine that bright light and let it overcome!  "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5 [NIV] 2.) Don't let someone make you feel bad about something you shouldn't feel bad about.  Honestly, just that one smug remark someone says to you that seems to have come out of nowhere- Fam, don't let that get to you!  Insecure people will just say things just to put you down.  Again, I'm sure we've all been there.  Try to have compassion for those who put you down as God is constantly expressing His compassion and mercy on us.  After all, we're all

When I was a little kid, I remember day dreaming about my future self.  A lot.  I would sit there and ponder me turning sixteen and getting my driver's license, graduating from university at twenty one while getting married shortly after.  Heck, I thought once you hit thirteen, the glorious entry to the teenage years, you would turn instantly mature.  Bottom line, I think it's safe to say that I was way in over my head. Well little Bri, here is a reality check.  You were in no way, shape, or form mature at thirteen, you waited almost 4 years after turning sixteen to finally get your driver's license, you still have two and a half more years minimum to go in college, and although you would love to be married soon- there is no way to tell that it will be that soon.  In other words, when I was a kid, I envisioned myself to pretty much have my life together at twenty years old.  I cracked my phone screen for the third time this year a couple days ago, my face broke o

Mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, nieces, aunties: Happy International Women's Day!!  From the single mothers to our female teachers to busy business leaders and to stay at home mommy's; here's to you all!  You are all significant and you are all blessed.    There are so many amazing women out there who made such a positive impact on the world that I believe we should take into account for.  Living in a westernized culture, we are able to attend school and further our education, no problem.  However, in strict middle eastern cultures that isn't necessarily the case.  Malala Yousfzai, a young Pakistani lady, was shot in the head for defending the rights for girls to receive an education against the Taliban.  Rosa Parks and her bold refusal to give up a bus seat because of the color of her skin, which eventually lead to significant civil rights legislation's.  Anne Frank and her diary she kept while documenting her life hiding from the Nazi's up in a d

If you know me at all, you'd know that one of my favorite books of all time is The Shack written by the brilliant author William Paul Young.  This is a realistic fiction story about the main character, Mack, who undergoes a horrible, horrible tragedy involving the kidnap and murder of his youngest daughter, Missy.  I won't exploit too much, but the story progresses by describing Mack to be drowning in his sorrow, guilt, and shame.  He not only blamed himself for the entire tragedy but blamed God.  After that incident, he was filled with so many questions: Why did God let this happen?  Where was He when I needed Him?  When Missy needed Him?  How good does He claim to be?   For me, this book really put things into a fresh perspective on who God is and why we go through such hard tragedies, perhaps similar to the one Mack experienced with his daughter.  It helped me understand the trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and how the unity of all three is exactly what we

Just like what the title states; that was me for the longest time.  I messed up countless times.  Repeatedly.  Over and over and over.  Heck, I still mess up like it is my job.  Being that person who seemed to make mistakes left and right, I found it very difficult to move forward with my life.  I had a difficult time trying to forgive myself.  Yeah, yeah I know the "make mistakes, learn from them, build your character" saying.  But to be frank, that didn't minister to me that well.  I mean, I suppose it did but that was only temporary.  Every time I tried to move forward, something would happen that reminded me of the past and I felt that fresh sense of shame as if it happened that day.  Every time I felt like I took a step forward, I was really taking a huge step back.  For my entire life, I have been going back and forth with no real sense of direction.          I thank God for Jesus.  Because of Jesus, no person on this earth can say anything to me to hinder

I have always been obsessed with Valentine's Day every since I was a little girl.  There is just something about devoting time to make mini valentines for the people that were in your class and handing them out and watching everyone smile as they open up the Scooby-Doo card and box of heart candies.  It's the tiny and warm feeling you get in your heart that makes it special.  It was one of the few occasions where even though you didn't talk to half the people in your class, you still acknowledged them and loved on them in the smallest but most sentimental way.  As I got older, however, I began to notice that people used the idea of Valentine's day from being a cute little Hallmark holiday to a derogatory, depressing, and "forever alone" kind of day.   I know what you may be thinking: Who cares?  It is so overrated.  I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend so why should it matter? Yad-yada-yada... Well, I feel as though we should view this lit

February 10, 2017, on a very chilly Friday night, I had the privilege to be apart of an amazing time well spent.  At Faith Church, the Tim Tebow Foundation held their annual, A Night to Shine prom!   Princes and princesses arrived at 6 p.m. to walk down the red carpet.  They were garnished in beautiful gowns, sparkly shoes, and suits and ties all over.  Each and every person who attended not only looked stunning, but the look of unfathomable joy expressed on their faces overpowered it all.  Their smiles radiated a contagious joy and touched many hearts that night; including my own.   Different Does Not Means Less Than We live in a world that is so accustomed to the flesh.  We see the flesh for what we think it is, but when will we start to see beyond that?   As human beings, we are all equal as we fall under that covenant.  Intellectually, mentally, physically, and spiritually- we all have the same needs in these four categories.  Although some of us may meet these

Good evening awesome people! So, recently I began to notice a change in myself.  I have been paying close attention to my skin... a little too much attention I should say.  My skin has been breaking out in pimples and spreading like wild fire.  It's as if every morning I would wake up and find a new buddy that decided to make its home on my face.  My face turned into a poppin' residency to say the least, haha! But seriously, I went from not caring to noticing, to noticing a bit more the next day, to eventually devoting hours at my laptop searching for ways to combat this acne that is developing on my face.  Disclaimer:   I have nothing against taking care of your skin.  I encourage it! :)  However, when something becomes an overwhelming factor in your mind that begins to hold you back to a particular extent, that is when it becomes an issue.  Anyways, my skin kept on spiraling downhill which eventually bummed me out.  But I ask myself, what for? Because I had a f