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A poem to the brokenhearted girl in her room


It's disappointing when you're with someone for so long,
the guy you were so confident to be Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wrong.
Spending countless hours in the middle of the night repeating
"I just want to feel wanted by him" 
Questioning; Why is he too tired to have a conversation with me?
I waited around all day for him.
I just wanted to feel included and invited in his plans.
I want him to want to be with me
just as much as I want to be with him.
I want him to see how much I believe in him, how much I pray for him,
encourage him in his dreams and his future plans.

Future plans... Do you even see me there?
I know, I know, all of that rests in the Lord's hands.
But I just can't help but see a beautiful future; you and me.
Me, you, you, me
Where can I find the Lord throughout all of my uncertainty?
Uncertainty.  Such a helpless state.
My mind is racing and racing and it can't catch a break!
Lord you said come to me all who are weary and I will bring rest.
So why do I keep falling in the same pit of distress?
I put in my all and this is what I get!
I'm so lost, so torn- it never seems to end!
Please Lord, hear me!  Deliver me from this fear!

Daughter, I know I feel far, but understand I am always here.
Daughter I know you feel lost, but listen to my words:
This is what happens when you follow fear.
This is what happens when you follow uncertainty.
This is what happens when you're lead by your feelings and not by me. 
Your feelings will come and go but daughter I am never gone.
No matter what your feelings tell you, know I am right there next to you throughout it all.

The love of Jesus is so tangible, so radical.
It pierces deeper than anything man-made and tactile.
You may love him, but know Jesus loves you more.
The love of Jesus is so scandalous.  He is jealous for me.
He wants to be wanted by me.
He is never too tired to have a conversation with me.
He's there, He's waiting, and He's always ready!
Jesus wants to be apart of every moment of my everyday.

Even when the burdens of the world become too heavy to bear,
when we find ourselves walking in a place of timidity and fear,
when we start believing the lies that nothing is going to go right;
Jesus says to keep company with me and these things will be light.

Surrender it all then authentic peace will be revealed
let it all go, daughter, place it upon my feet.
Stop worrying about him, keep seeking my face.
I promise, with me, you'll conquer the highest of places.
Don't focus on the "what if," reroute yourself to the truth.
If you don't know the truth, allow me to introduce it to you.

Sons and daughters, I died for you.
Rising three days later, conquering death,
walking through the depths of Hell
a place you deserved to be
but I took your place because I love you
and to me, you are worthy.

Let's walk in truth with gratitude in our hearts
knowing how Jesus loves you so much,
His blood on the cross washed us clean of all our faults.
Next time you feel weighed down by the cacophony of lies, 
worship harder.
Let the anchor of your faith weigh heavier.
Rebuke the "I'm not good enough" with
"I am more than good enough because Jesus called me His own."

No shadow of uncertainty will overpower
the radiance accompanied with His joy
knowing we belong to the creator of Heaven and the sky
we can walk in confidence with our head held high
Bold in faith and ready to share what we now know
to the next brokenhearted girl crying out for help in her room. 


The Takeaway 

Although I wrote this through the perspective of a girl in  a questionable relationship, I believe anyone can relate to the state of being she was in: lonely, afraid, lost, and brokenhearted.  Coming from the girl who has had her heart broken in the past, believe me when I say it just stinks.  The feeling is ugly and it seems to stick around like matted gum against your heart.  Perhaps you are currently going through a break up, or you recently lost a loved one, or maybe you got fired from a job you worked so hard in.  Things are going to happen where it just doesn't make sense.  Things may have been going great one day then all of a sudden your world feels like it was flipped upside down the next. 

The world introduces various ways to "forget" and numb the pain that is accompanied with these losses.  But I can testify that the most healing way in coping with loss and a broken heart is through Jesus.

When something happens in your life that doesn't seem to make sense, don't try and make sense of it.  Wean off of trying to understand, and seek the truth of Jesus and who He is. 

Be obedient during the season of loss.  Pursue His peace.  Obedience is good especially during the season of loss.  Even when it breaks your heart, relentlessly lean to Jesus.  When our hearts are broken and we let Jesus in, He is able to mend it to be more beautiful and look more like His! 

If we are open to see what God is showing us through a season of loss, He will make our hearts more like His.  When our hearts are more like His, we will be more prepared for the next season.  We will have more gratitude.  And we will be able to share Jesus' love and heart and relate to the people around us who may be experiencing loss as well.
My boyfriend shared this quirky saying, "you have to get stung by a couple bees before you can taste the honey!"  This saying is silly but brought comfort to my heart.  It reminds me that no matter what I may be currently going through, God is sovereign and He is so faithful.  You may be walking down an unpaved, crooked road right now.  You may have no sense of direction.  Keep Jesus before you like a shield and He will get you through even the messiest of days.  Keep Jesus close and He will be the guard your heart.

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