Anxiety is very persuasive.
It started with a low grade fever. "99.5," the thermometer read. Before I knew it, my body was overcome with chills with an indescribable sense of exhaustion. Fear was rooted.
Another day passes and I'm coughing up phlegm that is rudely accompanied with tightness in my chest, neck, and back. "It's probably just allergies," I solemnly convinced myself. Fear was sprouting.
After going back and forth with these suspicious symptoms, I eventually decided to call my doctor. After twenty minutes of assessing my symptoms with acknowledgment of my asthma history, he ordered me a test to take at the hospital. Waiting for those test results revealed not only my lack of mental stability but tested my growing faith in the Lord.
Mental health is a popular topic that I don't always feel inclined to talk about- mainly because I'm not great at understanding it. My body felt incredibly weak for those short couple of days as I anticipated my test results. To sum it up, the last couple of days consisted of fruitful conversations exchanged, prayers prayed, tears shed, and doubting creeping up then plateauing.
"You're young and healthy."
"But so was this person on the news."
"You'll be okay."
"But what about my family? I was around them briefly to drop off Mother's Day gifts the other day."
"There's nothing to worry about."
"I should have just stayed home."
"The chances of it getting to a serious point is slim."
"But what if it does? I'm not above this."
Friends, this kind of thought pattern was eating me alive. If it wasn't this virus, it was my own thoughts debilitating my flesh. As a Christian, my hope is in the Lord. Knowing what I know and believing what I know to be true didn't make these patterns vanish; God isn't here to make our problems go away. He's here to give us a sense of peace as we walk through the problem. This was the tipping point in my internal journey.
Prior to this pandemic, I was slowly becoming more discontent in too many areas of my life. Thankfully God blessed me with life-giving perspective and substantial depth in my relationship with Him.
The Lord did a work in me in the duration of that waiting game. Everything I knew about God became real. Living in a time where the media covers stories surrounded by fear along with sketchy theories going viral while living in a state that is neighboring the most impacted state in the country- it was too much for my mind to handle. If you don't address your honest reactions then it will continue to develop until your mind can't handle it anymore. I learned that the difficult way.
"As a daughter of Jesus I feel so upset for feeling as nervous as I do."
"That's a normal reaction we all have. In this time it takes a different kind of faith that we have never experienced because we have been babied if that's a word lol." (it is, friend!)
Something I wrestled with was facing my panic while simultaneously trying to cling to my faith in the Lord. I always want to positively represent the God I love, yet I've never been so overcome with nerves like I have these past fews days. However, the Lord gently reminded me that just because I have Him, doesn't make me above those periodic feelings. Bottom line: you can still glorify His love and goodness through your raw humaneness.
I felt uncomfortably vulnerable while coping with the repeated lies that initiated these false symptoms. However, even in fear and doubt, I still chose to look to the Lord. I would constantly repeat God's promises, even in the midst of a breathing episode: offering a sacrifice of praise for the One who sacrificed it all, (Hebrews 13:15).
After my hellish trial, I see new purpose. My cup of gratitude is overflowing. I see how God is gracious. I see how He is compassionate and slow to anger. I see how rich in Love He is. I recognize just how good of a God He is. And I trust and believe that He has overwhelming love and compassion for all that He created, (Psalm 145:8-9).
For those of you who feel ashamed for the sneaky fear derived from this foreign trial, know there is grace because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, (Romans 8:1). These truths that I "knew" before, finally came to life. He will walk with you in times of waiting. He will stand beside you in the valley of the shadow of death. Don't fear evil because evil cannot overcome Good. In this case, Good has a name and His name is Jesus.
Prior to this pandemic, admittedly, I chose to be ignorant to mental health. However, I am very grateful to be able to acknowledge those who struggle with mental health and extend my hand in love. It may feel insignificant, but something I learned is that feeling understood goes a long way. Anxiety is invisible to the naked eye but visible to those who are able pay attention.
My test came back negative.
"Briana, your test for Coronavirus came back undetected," my doctor said. I wept tears of relief. With everything that I've been reading about this virus, my first symptom made me prepare for the worst. I took it as a diagnosed death sentence. This plague is mysterious but friend, please refrain from shifting your mindset to the worst. Trust me, your body will thank you for it.
So, what were my symptoms? The fatigue, fever, chills, heavy breathing, phlegm? A lovely credible source that I reached out to broke it all down for me in love:
"Cortisol is released from the brain and builds up in the system when one is anxious. Your body thinks you are in danger because anxiety creates a chronic fight or flight mode. Excess cortisol does all kinds of weird things. Rest, expressing your fears and finding reasonable ways through things is as important as your foundation of Faith."
It started with a low grade fever. "99.5," the thermometer read. Before I knew it, my body was overcome with chills with an indescribable sense of exhaustion. Fear was rooted.
Another day passes and I'm coughing up phlegm that is rudely accompanied with tightness in my chest, neck, and back. "It's probably just allergies," I solemnly convinced myself. Fear was sprouting.
After going back and forth with these suspicious symptoms, I eventually decided to call my doctor. After twenty minutes of assessing my symptoms with acknowledgment of my asthma history, he ordered me a test to take at the hospital. Waiting for those test results revealed not only my lack of mental stability but tested my growing faith in the Lord.
Mental health is a popular topic that I don't always feel inclined to talk about- mainly because I'm not great at understanding it. My body felt incredibly weak for those short couple of days as I anticipated my test results. To sum it up, the last couple of days consisted of fruitful conversations exchanged, prayers prayed, tears shed, and doubting creeping up then plateauing.
 |
"You're young and healthy."
"But so was this person on the news."
"You'll be okay."
"But what about my family? I was around them briefly to drop off Mother's Day gifts the other day."
"There's nothing to worry about."
"I should have just stayed home."
"The chances of it getting to a serious point is slim."
"But what if it does? I'm not above this."
Friends, this kind of thought pattern was eating me alive. If it wasn't this virus, it was my own thoughts debilitating my flesh. As a Christian, my hope is in the Lord. Knowing what I know and believing what I know to be true didn't make these patterns vanish; God isn't here to make our problems go away. He's here to give us a sense of peace as we walk through the problem. This was the tipping point in my internal journey.
Prior to this pandemic, I was slowly becoming more discontent in too many areas of my life. Thankfully God blessed me with life-giving perspective and substantial depth in my relationship with Him.
The Lord did a work in me in the duration of that waiting game. Everything I knew about God became real. Living in a time where the media covers stories surrounded by fear along with sketchy theories going viral while living in a state that is neighboring the most impacted state in the country- it was too much for my mind to handle. If you don't address your honest reactions then it will continue to develop until your mind can't handle it anymore. I learned that the difficult way.
"As a daughter of Jesus I feel so upset for feeling as nervous as I do."
"That's a normal reaction we all have. In this time it takes a different kind of faith that we have never experienced because we have been babied if that's a word lol." (it is, friend!)
Something I wrestled with was facing my panic while simultaneously trying to cling to my faith in the Lord. I always want to positively represent the God I love, yet I've never been so overcome with nerves like I have these past fews days. However, the Lord gently reminded me that just because I have Him, doesn't make me above those periodic feelings. Bottom line: you can still glorify His love and goodness through your raw humaneness.
I felt uncomfortably vulnerable while coping with the repeated lies that initiated these false symptoms. However, even in fear and doubt, I still chose to look to the Lord. I would constantly repeat God's promises, even in the midst of a breathing episode: offering a sacrifice of praise for the One who sacrificed it all, (Hebrews 13:15).
After my hellish trial, I see new purpose. My cup of gratitude is overflowing. I see how God is gracious. I see how He is compassionate and slow to anger. I see how rich in Love He is. I recognize just how good of a God He is. And I trust and believe that He has overwhelming love and compassion for all that He created, (Psalm 145:8-9).
For those of you who feel ashamed for the sneaky fear derived from this foreign trial, know there is grace because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, (Romans 8:1). These truths that I "knew" before, finally came to life. He will walk with you in times of waiting. He will stand beside you in the valley of the shadow of death. Don't fear evil because evil cannot overcome Good. In this case, Good has a name and His name is Jesus.
Prior to this pandemic, admittedly, I chose to be ignorant to mental health. However, I am very grateful to be able to acknowledge those who struggle with mental health and extend my hand in love. It may feel insignificant, but something I learned is that feeling understood goes a long way. Anxiety is invisible to the naked eye but visible to those who are able pay attention.
If you struggle with anxiety, know that I see you. If you need a person to talk to or pray with, hop on over to my "Contact Me" section on my blog and shoot me an email. This is a judgment free area and I want to be there for anyone who reads this. <3
"Briana, your test for Coronavirus came back undetected," my doctor said. I wept tears of relief. With everything that I've been reading about this virus, my first symptom made me prepare for the worst. I took it as a diagnosed death sentence. This plague is mysterious but friend, please refrain from shifting your mindset to the worst. Trust me, your body will thank you for it.So, what were my symptoms? The fatigue, fever, chills, heavy breathing, phlegm? A lovely credible source that I reached out to broke it all down for me in love:
"Cortisol is released from the brain and builds up in the system when one is anxious. Your body thinks you are in danger because anxiety creates a chronic fight or flight mode. Excess cortisol does all kinds of weird things. Rest, expressing your fears and finding reasonable ways through things is as important as your foundation of Faith."
Friends, I am not the face for mental health and I don't claim to be an expert on how to manage it. However, I want to list some practical advice that I tried/was told that can hopefully be helpful for you if you find yourself with physical ailments derived from an unkept mind.
- Listen to quiet music while you are working, studying, etc. A mild distraction that helps you focus better is a neat trick to enable efficiency in your work. I like to listen to piano worship tunes and ocean waves. :)
- Sit up as straight as an arrow with your shoulders dropped. It helps communicate to your body that you aren't afraid- a natural cortisol level lower.
- If you have someone at home that is able or willing, have them massage your back when you feel that tenseness coming or if you feel short of breath. My husband is very helpful with this and it works like a charm each time.
- Audibly read God's promises out loud. Some verses that I've been speaking out loud is Psalm 91, Psalm 143, Hebrews 13:14-15.
- If the weather permits, spend some time outside. Hiking in nature, sitting out in the sun, or playing a game of frisbee will help you remain grounded.
- Practice slow breathing and soft stretches. This may go without saying, but it's good to be reminded.
- Seek professional counseling. Therapy is a wonderful resource that many of us are privileged to have access to in multiple ways.
- Get off Facebook. Stop watching the news. Stop researching symptoms. Instead, read a good book, get in God's Word, call a friend, scribble in a coloring book. Literally do anything else.
- Finally, let go of any shame or guilt for not feeling strong enough. We weren't created in His image to be strong alone. We need the company and love of others and the guidance from the Lord. I found that His strength is the component to enable us to push forward with however that looks. It's not a black and white issue- it's subjective to each person. Let's open this conversation more in support, love and prayer. This is a scary time and it's affecting us all drastically in different ways. Let's save the opinions for another time and be united. We were created to build bridges together, not walls.
"In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes for I am your servant." Psalm 143:12
(Imagine yourself as David and your enemy as your thoughts.)
Comments
Post a Comment