My heart stings more and more each time my husband receives a call to go to another Covid-19 cleaning job. We live in one of the higher risk areas and that worry of him contracting something and bringing it home is a daily dose of anxiety within itself. Like for many other people, this has become our new reality and for myself, has me exercising the authenticity of my faith in Jesus more than ever.All of our situations are different right now; some of you are employed but are still required to go out and risk contracting the virus while some of you are unemployed but are safe at home. Some of you are blessed to work from home but have loved ones that are at high risk across the country. Some of you suffer from a mental illness that makes this situation heavier on your mental health while others have physical ailments that puts you at risk even more.
We're living in a really dark time right now and it's scary. Although we can find a list of positives from this, I can't help but acknowledge that disturbing weight that a majority of it has been very, very negative. The Bible tells us we don't have to live in a spirit of fear and that is a beautiful truth to cling to-especially right now. With that being said, I want to share a message for those who are feeling the heat. Friend, you're in a vulnerable position and it's okay to feel scared of the uncertainty.
You are not a negative person if you feel scared.
You are not a negative person if you feel discouraged.
You are not a negative person if you don't feel inspired to pick up that new hobby or that side hustle.
You are not a negative person if you can't shake that pain about that person on the news that lost their grandmother.
Yes, we serve a perfect God and that perfect Holy Spirit lives in our hearts, but remember that we are still only human and it's okay to feel the weight of this pandemic. It's normal to cling to the stories that make us feel good and neglect the fact that this disease is climbing and we are anxiously anticipating that peak to accompany with some sort of relief. But if we're being honest, that moment of peace is fleeting.
In our humanness, vulnerability automatically makes us feel weak. I'd like to debunk that feeling and replace that with perspective. If you're waking up every morning (or afternoon- bye-bye sleep cycles), you're strong. If you accomplished one chore today, you're strong. If your prayer only consisted of choked up words, shaky limbs and a lot of tears, you are so strong.
Strong faith doesn't always look like you're wearing a brave poker face. Strong faith is weeping over the world's illness, but declaring God's goodness. Strong faith doesn't always look like a smile and saying "God's good," but sometimes resembles doubt and allowing His Spirit to guide you back to truth. The bottom line is strong faith doesn't "look" like anything. You can't always see God's tangible work. He does the work of the heart and that refining time often starts in moments of doubt and fear.
Honestly, I've been wrestling back and forth with trusting that the Lord is going to protect us. It's really hard to grasp that when every other story on the news is the rising statistics of cases confirmed followed by numerous, sad stories covering people losing loved ones. Thankfully, my stubbornness is handy at times like this. Even through doubt, I stubbornly cling to God and His goodness.
God is mysterious but I believe we know all we need to know about Him through the Bible. When I opened my bible today, after having an emotional breakdown while saying bye to my husband, I opened up to a subtext titled "God Hears." The timing was remarkable and I was presented with two verses that resonated with my current situation.
"Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place." Psalm 28:2
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"Praise be to the Lord for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise him. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless their inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever." Psalm 28:6-9
My biggest takeaway from reading scripture today is that God is our protector, our safe place, and our comforter. We may not have a clear scope on how things are going to work out, but He does give us clear instruction to trust Him in the process.
The Bible urges us to pray with confidence that the Lord will listen and respond. He urges us to be filled with gratitude and confidently pray to Him before He answers- and He will blow your mind. Take that leap of faith and place it in the hands of Jesus. It's a daily battle but it's one worth fighting for. God always wins.
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